When Is Friendly A Little Creepy?

An empty car. Riders usually sit in the same car and same general area.

People are creatures of habit. On the train, people not only sit in the same car each morning and evening, but many often sit in the same seat, or at least in the same general area. Because of this, you get to know people who ride in your car. Among friends and acquaintances, it isn't uncommon to hear, "You weren't here yesterday, did you drive?" or "Did you take the later/earlier train?" Among strangers, it can be unnerving. You generally notice who is on the train and who isn't, but you don't usually point it out to a stranger. I once overheard a woman say to her friend, "We can sit next to him because he gets off in Solana Beach. Right?" She asked him. Then, "You think I don't notice."

Another time a man made a comment to a young student-looking guy who was eating a big sandwich on the train ride home. The man said something like, "That sandwich looks good" (which is a normal thing to say). But then a woman he was with said, "He has a good dinner every day on the train home." The young man just made some comment about how he saves his lunch for later, but seemed a bit weirded out. I would be, too, if I knew that somebody noticed what I was eating every day.

So I guess the moral here is to realize that you will get noticed in this micro-commuting world, but that there is a fine line between being friendly and creeping someone out.

The Cool Group

Typical seats on the train.

The Coaster train has a hierarchy, which, in my observation, is in direct inverse correlation to how cool you were in high school. The "popular" crowd tends to be on the nerdy side, not very trendy, and pretty boring when it comes to conversation topics. (I know because you can generally hear every conversation in your vicinity when on the train.)

The regulars have their usual seats on the train, and all share a similar characteristic that leads to my comparison to high school cliques: a complete disregard for others around them. They are loud and assuming, and show a disdain for non-regular riders who invade their space. This is especially true for those new or infrequent riders who show complete ignorance when it comes to seating. These regulars have their favorite spots, and become quite upset when those seats are taken, usually loudly proclaiming to their group, "Seems like our spot is taken" or "We'll have to find a different place to sit today." Or, worse (for the unsuspecting rider), they will just sit next to him/her, surrounding the person on all sides with their loud, boring chatter.

I lucked out because my Mom had been riding the Coaster for almost a year before I started riding, and I generally knew that the regulars had their favorite car and favorite seats. My first week I sat quietly and observed, figuring out all of the anthropological undertones. As a regular myself now, I don't belong to any "group." Most riders, in fact, don't. I sit by my Mom or Dad when they ride the train, or a coworker who also sometimes rides. But, generally, I sit by myself and read or sleep.

I had a chance to join a group in the beginning, and even sat with them a couple of times, but decided that I valued my time more than talking to these strangers who I generally didn't have much in common with. (To leave the group unobtrusively, I actually had to start riding in a different car.)

For any of you who may think it sad that I don't have any "train friends," see above for my description of them. I think the nerdy group in high school finally found their place to be cool. I, for one, am happy to avoid them, and let them revel in their popular status.